Kids can be the most rewarding and joyful parts of our lives, but they can also be the most chaotic. They’ll have a meltdown in the middle of the store because you won’t let them visit the toy aisle but follow it up with a long, heartfelt hug. They’ll set the table for their sister but cut the hair off her Barbies the following day. In those heated moments, it’s important to cling to the good ones. This sentiment is at the heart of positive parenting. Strive to deal with life’s lovely messes through the lens of love, connection, and understanding with positive parenting.
What Is Positive Parenting?
Positive parenting offers unconditional love while providing for a child’s needs, prioritizing connection and mutual respect through communication and modeling. Caretakers set reasonable boundaries and expectations. They follow through with natural and logical consequences rather than punishment. The goal is to catch kids being good instead of waiting for them to make mistakes.
Benefits of Positive Parenting
This parenting style may sound like a utopian ideal, but it benefits the children and parents involved. Taking the time and patience to connect with your kids, reaching them at their level, and encouraging them will reap dividends now and in the future.
Closer Family Bonds
Connection and building a strong relationship are at the heart of positive parenting. As such, you’ll spend far more intentional time as a family. Deep conversations will become the new norm. Physical touch in the form of hugs, kisses, and snuggles will solidify your bonds.
Increased Levels of Trust
The deep connections you form with your kids will improve their trust in you. They’ll know your comforting arms are the place to seek reassurance. Your children will also be more likely to turn to you when they need help or are in trouble. You can rest easier knowing that even when your kids aren’t in sight, they’ll come to you when necessary.
Better Relationships
Family bonds are just the tip of the iceberg for kids raised by positive parents. As they routinely experience emotional and social connections at home, they’ll learn to apply those relationship-forming skills outside their family unit. Your kids can have an easier time making and keeping friends. They’ll also be able to open up to a romantic partner in the future.
More Empathetic
Using positive parenting means considering your child’s viewpoint in every situation. How are they feeling? What is motivating this behavior? Where are they developmentally? These empathetic questions help you better parent your kids.
It will also make your children more understanding of others. They’ll use the example you’ve set with them and apply it to other relationships.
Fewer Negative Behaviors
Most negative behaviors stem from a deeper reason. Your child may act out because they need more attention or are upset by something else. These externalizing behaviors will decrease once you consistently address the roots of their problems. Regular communication and one-on-one attention will open up meaningful opportunities to do so. The key is communication!
More Resilient to Adversity
Kids are under an exceeding amount of stress. Academic expectations are higher than ever, and children are often involved in more than one after-school activity. In addition, they may experience bullying, trauma, abuse, learning challenges, and discrimination. Positive parenting seems to mitigate the negative effects of childhood adversity, maintaining healthy development and social-emotional growth.
How to Use Positive Parenting With Your Kids
Prioritizing connection with your kids and rewarding positive behaviors will set you on the path to success with this parenting style. This list of tips will get you started.
1. Set Clear Boundaries
Positive parenting is different from permissive parenting. You’ll still establish firm boundaries and let them know the consequences (logical or natural) of certain behaviors before they occur. Limits give kids a sense of safety and assurance. They know what they can and can’t do without surprises. This could simply be saying to a toddler, “We walk on the stairs. If you play on the stairs you may fall and get hurt.”
2. Handle Discipline With Care
Most lists of ways to practice positive parenting get stuck in the healthy discipline side of things. While it’s essential, there are many other aspects to include.
Positive parents never use corporal punishment since it deters development and breaks the parent-child bond. Instead, you should focus on using natural and logical consequences. For example, when my daughter didn’t put her Magna Doodle away, I accidentally stepped on it. Now she understands why we ask her to pick up her toys and is better at remembering.
When explaining the logical consequence or wanting to discuss behavior, always wait until both of you are calm. You’ll both do better with a clear head and a peaceful heart.
3. Let Them Feel Emotions
Often parents try to shut down their children’s reactions. I don’t love it when my daughter has a meltdown in a restaurant. It feels embarrassing when people turn their attention our way. However, these behaviors are rooted in something real. Kids need to be able to express and work through their emotions. Parents must teach and model healthy ways of dealing with strong feelings.
4. Stay Present
Your kids need your undivided attention despite your mountain of responsibilities and distractions. Set aside at least 10 minutes each day for one-on-one bonding or a whole family activity. Put your phone down and truly listen to your child. Ask questions to show that you hear what they have to say. You’ll be surprised how well kids open up when they realize you are present and listening.
I like to plan family vacations to enjoy one another. Two-thirds of Americans feel they lack a work-life balance. My family strives to leave all that behind when we travel to enjoy the time with our family.
5. Shower Them With Love
Physical touch and verbal praise are essential to healthy child development. Catch your kids being good and reinforce those behaviors. We thank our daughter every time she goes the extra mile and praise her when she works hard at something that doesn’t come easily to her. Plus, we believe in the healing power of hugs and cuddles.
Remember, Each Child Is Different
A pillar of positive parenting is remembering every child is different and has a unique set of needs. Some methods will work well for one kid and fail miserably for the next. However, these strategies are universal enough to work for anyone as long as you gear it toward a child’s particular needs.
Part of positive parenting is positive discipline, such as the natural and logical consequences that we discussed. Check out Boston Baby Nurse & Nanny’s online class: Positive Discipline for Positive Caregivers. It is taught by Erin Taylor who is a certified parent and family coach with her Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology.
About The Author
Cora Gold is a mother and writer who aims to connect with other moms through her experiences with navigating motherhood. Cora is the Editor-in-Chief of Revivalist magazine and writes for sites including For Every Mom, MommyBites, and Playground Professionals. When she’s not writing about style and beauty for her magazine, Revivalist, she loves to share her experience with family life.
