Before having children it’s so easy to curl up on the couch and watch a movie, go out for a quiet dinner, or take a spontaneous day trip with your significant other. After having children, it can often feel like just using the bathroom uninterrupted is a huge win. Having children affects so many aspects of life and balancing them all can seem like swimming upstream. With the constant pressures of parenting, making time for self care, and keeping track of the never ending list of to do items, making time for your partner can easily fall to the back burner. Keeping the spark alive is important for each other, but also for your children to see a loving, happy couple.
Let Your Significant Other Know You’re Thinking About Them
The simplest things can make a huge difference when you are overwhelmed with family life. Getting alone time can feel like a monumental feat, but sometimes focusing on things that you can do in the moment will help you remind one another that you care.
- Leave a sticky note on the bathroom mirror that says one things you love about your partner.
- Pick up their favorite drink from the local coffee shop without being asked.
- Throw some flowers into your cart at the supermarket.
- Do something on the other person’s to do list.
- Let your significant other sleep in from time to time.
- Be an active listener (put your phone down and give your full attention!).
- Send random sweet text messages from time to time.
Keeping The Spark Alive: Plan An Outing
At least once a month (more if you can swing it!), do something alone together. Spending quality time together can help you remember how much you enjoy each other’s company. When you are caught up in the routines of life, are tired from not getting enough sleep, or when you are just feeling burnt out, it can be easy to forget to appreciate the other person. See if your nanny or a neighborhood babysitter can stay late on the same date every month.
- Get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner.
- Go for a long drive together and spend time talking (about things other than just the kids!).
- Go to the movies and see something that’s NOT animated
- If you can get an overnight sitter – do an overnight somewhere
- You can also plan a special evening in once the kids are asleep.
- Draw a bubble bath with calming music
- Plan a movie night with wine and chocolate
- Put out an ice cream sundae bar and play a board game
- Make mojitos and sit out on the deck catching up
Don’t Forget The Importance of Physical Contact
Sometimes just a simple touch is enough to remind the other person that you love them. In all the chaos of the day it can be so easy to be in the same room with your partner and not really even see them. Take the time to acknowledge one another’s presence with a gentle, loving touch to help keep the spark alive.
- Give your significant other a hug for no reason.
- Offer a shoulder or foot rub after a long day.
- Hold hands.
- Give a quick, gentle arm squeeze when you pass by your partner.
- Always kiss them hello and goodbye.
Talk to Each Other
Most importantly when keeping the spark alive is communication. Everyone is different and has varying feelings as to what they feel is most important in a relationship. Talk to one another and be open and honest about how you feel and what your needs are. Having strong communication is the key to making sure that you are on the same page.
About The Author
Sarah Proctor has worked with young children for over 25 years as a teacher, childcare director, nanny, and mom of two girls. She has her Bachelors Degree in Early Childhood Education and Administration from UMass Amherst. In addition, Sarah has her Director 2 certification from the Department of Early Education and Care.
