You might ask, “What makes a good mother?” during times of self-doubt or reflection. This is a common question during pregnancy or after becoming a first-time mom.
In this article, we’ll help you build confidence so you can be ready for the challenges of motherhood.
Table of contents
Defining a “Good Mother” in Today’s World
Many moms now juggle a full-time job, family responsibilities, and personal goals simultaneously. With both parents often working, there’s pressure for moms to do well in every area, such as at work, with friends, and at home, while still raising happy and healthy children.
A “good mother” is someone who finds ways to balance the demands of modern life while nurturing and supporting a child’s growth, even when the pressure is high. Raising happy and healthy children is about more than just meeting their basic needs. It’s about creating a safe, loving environment where her child feels supported and understood.
Lastly, a capable mother recognizes the importance of taking care of her own physical and mental health. Your well-being directly impacts your ability to be present and effective as a parent.
The Importance of Building Confidence as a New Mom
When you are confident, you can better cope with the stress, anxiety, and self-doubt that often come with motherhood. You are also more likely to trust your ability and engage more actively in your baby’s care.
Understanding the Challenges of New Motherhood
After childbirth, your body goes through physical changes like healing from labor or recovering from a C-section. Moreover, newborns require round-the-clock care, which means that as a new mom, you will have sleepless nights and constant fatigue. This can affect your mood and energy levels.
Many new mothers feel lonely or disconnected from their social circle, especially when caring for a newborn takes most of their time. Approximately 13% of new mothers experience a mental health disorder, with depression being the most common [*].
Common Fears and Doubts of New Moms
As a new mom, you might worry that you aren’t doing things “right” and fear that you may not be able to meet your baby’s needs effectively. Social media and seeing other moms may make you feel like you’re not measuring up, and this can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
Moreover, you may also fear making the wrong decisions. As a new mom, it’s also natural to worry about losing your sense of self and feel like your identity now revolves entirely around motherhood, with little time for hobbies or self-care.
The Impact of Societal Expectations
Society often paints an image of the “perfect mother” who is endlessly patient and self-sacrificing. This expectation can create the belief that a good mom never makes mistakes and can juggle everything seamlessly.
A study explored the impact of societal expectations surrounding “perfect mothering.” Mothers who felt the pressure to be perfect experienced higher levels of parental burnout [*].
Increased pressure contributed to greater stress in parenting. Moreover, the mothers adopted a mindset focused on avoiding mistakes, which may have contributed to burnout [*].
Building Confidence Through Self-Awareness
Focus on your personal strengths and accomplishments because by being aware of what you are doing well, you can feel more confident in your abilities as a new mom. Take time to acknowledge your everyday victories, such as successfully feeding or calming your baby.
Next, try to reflect on moments of self-doubt so you can understand what triggers these feelings and learn to manage them. When you are in tune with your emotions, you can react more calmly in challenging situations, such as your baby’s crying.
An important part of self-awareness is recognizing that it’s okay to make mistakes and that no mother is perfect.
Establishing a Strong Mother-Child Bond
A strong bond can help you become more attuned to your baby’s signals, such as hunger, discomfort, or tiredness. Knowing your baby well allows you to anticipate and respond to their needs more effectively.
The bond you have with your child can also provide benefits for their growth. A study explored the long-term impact of mother-child bonding on a child’s social competencies. The researchers found that mothers with stronger bonds at 6 weeks postpartum had children with better social skills at 5.5 years [*].
The Role of Attachment in Motherhood
Attachment style theory explains how early relationships between infants and their primary caregivers influence emotional bonds throughout life.
A study explored how a mother’s adult attachment style affects her bonding with her infant. Attachment-related anxiety describes a fear of worry about being unloved or abandoned by a partner. On the other hand, attachment-related avoidance refers to discomfort with emotional closeness and dependency.
Both attachment avoidance and attachment anxiety were negatively associated with mother-infant bonding. Mothers with higher levels of attachment anxiety or avoidance experienced more parenting stress, which in turn decreased their bonds with their infants [*].
Encouraging Open Communication and Emotional Expression
Open expression of emotions also allows you to release pent-up feelings. You can share your experiences, challenges, and feelings with other mothers, family members, or friends. This can alleviate your anxiety and stress and make it easier for you to focus on your new role as a mother.
If you’re looking for a helpful tool for both you and your child, consider using a printable feelings chart. This chart can help kids express their emotions more easily and guide you in understanding their feelings.
Practical Tips for Boosting New Mom Confidence
Improving your confidence as a new mom will take time and practice. Incorporate these tips into your routine to help you:
- Focus on learning: Read books about parenting and participate in parenting classes or workshops to learn about baby care.
- Set realistic expectations: Celebrate your achievements and acknowledge that perfection is not your goal.
- Focus on quality time with your baby: Practice mindful parenting. Take a moment to be present with your baby. Bond with your child through skin-to-skin contact, reading, or singing.
- Take care of yourself: Nourish your body and mind through eating nutritious meals, exercising, meditating, and enjoying your hobbies. This gives you the energy to take care of your new baby.
- Ask for help when needed: If feelings of anxiety or inadequacy persist, reach out to family, friends, or a trusted support system. If necessary, don’t hesitate to talk to a mental health professional who can provide guidance and support tailored to your needs.
Know That Growth Takes Time
If you’re a first-time mom, it is normal to feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities of caring for a child.
Just as your baby is growing, so are you as a new mom. It’s okay to take your time to adjust to this new role as a parent. Trust in your ability to go through this journey, even when it gets tough.
References:
Maternal mental health. (n.d.). https://www.who.int/teams/mental-health-and-substance-use/promotion-prevention/maternal-mental-health
Meeussen L, Van Laar C. Feeling Pressure to Be a Perfect Mother Relates to Parental Burnout and Career Ambitions. Front Psychol. 2018 Nov 5;9:2113. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02113. PMID: 30455656; PMCID: PMC6230657.
Joas, J., & Möhler, E. (2021). Maternal bonding in early infancy predicts children’s social competencies in preschool age. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.687535
Nordahl, D., Rognmo, K., Bohne, A. et al. Adult attachment style and maternal-infant bonding: the indirect path of parenting stress. BMC Psychol 8, 58 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40359-020-00424-2
